Mollilily Potter and Breaking Wind
by cubye4
Summary: What if J.K. Rowling and Stephenie Meyer tried to write the ending to each other's novels?
1. Mollilily Potter and The Hollow Hallows

Mollilily Potter and Breaking Wind

Part one:

Mollilily Potter and The Hollow Hallows

_How might Stephenie Meyer have written the ending of the Harry Potter series?_

* * *

It was a very nice morning, as nice mornings tend to go, and Harry Potter was awake in the boy's dormitory of Gryffindor Tower. He was thinking about what he was going to do that day, and he was hoping he would succeed. There were quite a few people who hoped he would succeed as well.

Harry Potter was going to kill Voldemort.

The clock on the table beside him told him that it was very early, but he got up all the same, put on his school robes and walked down to the Great Hall to enjoy a lovely breakfast of fluffy pancakes.

Ron and Hermione joined him a few minutes later, with very somber looks on their faces. They sat down on either side of their best friend. Harry looked up from his breakfast, which had turned into a bowl of cereal, and noticed his friends' faces.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know," Ron answered. "You-Know-Who and stuff."

"Oh, right," Harry said. He went back to his plate of waffles.

Suddenly the large doors opened up and Professor Trelawney stumbled into the hall. "That battle has started!" she yelled, in a misty voice.

Harry jumped up from his seat very quickly. The students around him were looking very nervous, but Harry was not afraid. He took out his wand and held it very tightly, leaving his bowl of fruit forgotten on the table. Ron and Hermione followed him outside.

Voldemort and his Death Eaters were standing outside on the lawn and Voldemort had his wand held high, pointed straight at Harry.

The Hogwarts students had followed the trio outside, and Ginny ran forward to stand at Harry's side. "Harry," she murmured, looking into his beautiful green eyes, staring at the flawless planes of his skin, the perfect shape of his nose, admiring his lips, remembering the feel of them against hers.

"Harry, I love you so much," she said, putting her hands on his cheek and leaning into him. "You mean so much to me. I can remember so clearly the first time I met you, the first time I saw your face and I knew that I wanted you, and if you would ever leave - "

"Um, Ginny?" Harry interrupted.

"What, my love?"

"Could you talk about this later?"

Ginny turned to look at Voldemort and his supporters. "I suppose," she said, pouting.

"Good," Harry muttered, and he stepped forward to glare at Voldemort. He stared into his blood red eyes, and gazed over his icy pale skin, the cold set of his lips, the way he sneered….

"Hello, Voldemort," Harry said.

Voldemort rolled his red eyes and tried to pinch the bridge of his nose, until he remembered that he didn't really have one. "What have I told you about calling me that?"

"Oh, it doesn't matter what anyone calls you anymore," Harry shouted.

"I love you my beautiful, gorgeous, angel-like - "

"Ginny, shut up!"

"Sorry!"

Harry shook his head to clear it after the interruption. "What – oh, right - _Avada Kedavra _you arse!"

And Voldemort was dead.

There were cheers and shrieks from the Hogwarts students. Voldemort's supporters cowered in fear and ran off.

"Harry, you did it!" Ron cheered.

But Hermione didn't look very happy. "Harry, how could you? You've ended the conflict halfway through the freaking book! I hope you have some great plotline up your sleeve!"

Harry scowled for a moment and looked at his friends. "Hey everybody! Ginny's pregnant!"

* * *

Three months later Harry was sitting in the Weasley's den. He had to tell Mr. Weasley that he had knocked up his daughter.

"So Harry, I heard you had some good news."

Harry nodded. "Good, random, totally unexpected and rather stupid – what ever you'd like to call it."

"So Harry, what would you like to tell me?"

"Well Mr. Weasley, Ginny and I - "

"You got her pregnant, didn't you!" Mr. Weasley shouted. He got up from his seat very suddenly and pulled out his wand, shoving it into Harry's face. "You little - "

"Stop it, stop it!" Ginny shrieked. "Harry didn't do anything."

"What are you talking about, Ginny?" Harry demanded.

"Well, I remembered last night," she murmured quietly. "I was hanging out with Lupin once and - "

"WHAT!" Mr. Weasley and Harry exclaimed at the same time.

"Oh, come on. Lupin's so cute…."

But Harry wasn't listening. He had just realized something and he was beginning to become very anxious. "Lupin's a werewolf!" he shrieked, and the same moment Ginny grabbed her stomach.

* * *

"You've got to be kidding me," Ron said. "Ginny wants to keep her baby? Has she lost her mind?"

Harry didn't answer. He had a very strange look in his deep, smoldering, breathtakingly beautiful eyes. Hermione thought he looked like a "Burning Man."

"But Harry," she said. "She can do whatever she wants, she's a mother, you can't expect her - "

"Oh, shut up!" Harry shouted. "You're just jealous! I know you hooked up with Ron, I've heard you in your room – mind you, I'd appreciate it if you kept it down. You want Ginny's baby!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "That's stupid."

But Harry was now staring desperately at Ron. "You have to help her," he begged. "She would listen to you! Make her see some sense! Give her a baby if you have to!"

"Harry, she's my sister!"

"I don't care!"

But Ron wouldn't agree.

* * *

Harry tried to talk to Ginny that night, but she wouldn't listen to him.

"How could you Ginny? I thought you loved me!"

"I do," she insisted.

"Then why did you sleep with Lupin?"

"Harry," Ginny said, exasperated. "Lupin is really cute and - "

"But Ginny - "

Ginny stamped her foot very prissily. "Don't go yelling at me," she complained. "It was your idea anyway."

She stalked to the door. "Stupid plotline."

* * *

Six months later, Ginny gave birth to a little baby girl. Against reason, Harry fell in love with his daughter the moment he saw her, even though Ginny almost died, but Harry miraculously saved her, so it was fine.

"Oh Harry, she's so pretty," Ginny cooed, admiring her baby. "What do you want to call her?"

Harry thought about that for a moment. "What about Mollilily?"

"Mollilily? That's the stupidest name I ever heard!"

"Hey, it's unique!"

* * *

Though Harry had been very afraid about his werewolf daughter, he realized very quickly that his initial thoughts had been wrong.

Mollilily was a perfect baby. She grew very quickly, and Ginny was slightly nervous about that, but Mollilily was such a good baby that she tended to forget about that frequently.

Mollilily was beautiful, and cute and smart, and Harry and Ginny loved her very much.

Hermione and Ron were spending a lot of time in their room.

* * *

A few months later, the Potters were enjoying a lovely lunch when suddenly Professor Trelawney burst through the door. "The Death Eaters heard about Mollilily and they want to kill her because Harry killed Voldemort!"

Harry looked at her strangely. "Why do they care about Mollilily?"

Professor Trelawney shrugged. "I don't know," she murmured in a very misty voice.

Ginny showed her the door.

"Harry, are you sure you want to trust what she said?" Hermione nagged for the millionth time. "Trelawney's not exactly that great when it comes to fortune telling."

Harry sighed. "I know, but honestly, no one wants to read a story about Mollilily."

That was very true, Mollilily was sickly sweet and perfect, and Harry was starting to get bored of her.

"Well I suppose if you really believe her…."

Harry nodded.

"Right," Ron agreed. "What do you want to do?"

Harry thought for a moment. "I'm not sure; I don't want to fight them. Herm, Gin, what do you think?"

Hermione and Ginny looked at him very strangely. "Herm, Gin?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh, you know. Those are the nicknames we've always called you, but have never actually used in the book. Go with it."

Ginny was very sure that Harry was losing his mind, but she didn't comment. Hermione, however, had just come up with an idea. "Harry, what if you collected a ton of random witches and wizards, and convinced them that Mollilily's so adorable and the Death Eaters shouldn't kill her, or you for that matter."

"Hmm," Harry said. "That doesn't make any sense at all. Great idea, Hermione!"

* * *

The Potter's, Weasley's, and Hermione set off to collect as many wizards as they could. They gathered many of their old friends from Hogwarts, who had never before been mentioned – Patty Mondues, a young blond witch who had been in Ravenclaw and was very pretty; Suzanne Perftechtisdhe, another witch, who liked cats and had been in Hufflepuff; Tommy Hswjospgnkejria, who had been in Slytherin, but Harry had known him all his life (he forgot to mention him though); Sally Fkoeunfkfhjseilefj, who was from Hufflepuff and she owned a cat name Pussy Wussy; Greg Rjfkoeanufineola, who was from Gryffindor actually, and his mother was very strange and liked to sleep around; Nunu Oppksefjfefsa, who no one really knew much about; Lisa Weefcbe, who was from Ravenclaw, and didn't have any friends; Matt Moayde, who had a very embarrassing medical disorder; Benny Kcawdfc, who brought his siblings Wendy, Ken, and Barbie along with him; Quence Measde, who thought he could play the piano; Rachel Topce, who was from Gryffindor and didn't know how to tie her shoes, and a few others who had walked in looking for directions to the freeway. (* You can view a full list at the bottom).

They showed their wonderful guests how great Mollilily was and that she wasn't dangerous, and they hoped that they would be able to prove to the Death Eaters as well.

* * *

Two days before the war was scheduled, Hermione and Ron disappeared. Harry and the Weasleys were very afraid, and they searched for them in the whole Burrow. Harry went to their bedroom, which was covered in feathers for some reason, and found a book lying on the floor.

He picked it up to read the title. _Hogwarts, A History_ – Hermione's favorite book, why would she leave it behind?

So Harry lifted the cover and looked inside. There was a message on the first page, and Harry was sure it was some words of comfort, or help. He leaned very closely to it and read:

_Dear Har, Gin, Mol, and all, _

_Ha ha ha! Suckers!_

_Herm and Ro_

And Harry didn't know why, but he felt like they were not going to win.

* * *

Mollilily was still growing very fast, and Ginny was becoming a pest about it.

"Oh, Mollilily! I love you so much. I can remember the first time I saw you, the first time I gazed at your perfect skin, the lovely set of your lips. I love the look you can have in your eyes when you see someone you love, the way you can giggle when someone tickles you, how your joy and your glee can fill the room with happiness, how soft and warm you can be, how quietly you can sleep - "

"Gin!" Harry finally called.

"What love?"

"_Shut up_!"

"Sorry."

Suddenly Professor Trelawney ran through the door, panting. "The Death Eaters have arrived. They are ready to fight!"

Ginny looked at her with great distaste. "We really shouldn't let her into the house."

* * *

Ginny was holding Mollilily very tightly and was standing beside Harry. She was very anxious.

The Death Eaters had spread out in a large line and they had even brought their wives with them, for some moral support or something.

"So," Harry called. "What do you want?"

The Death Eaters started laughing. "We want that baby!" Lucius Malfoy answered, sneering very evilly.

Harry glared. "Mollilily did nothing wrong. She's perfect and she's not dangerous at all!" Harry pointed to the people he had gathered. "Even they can prove it!"

Malfoy laughed. "Oh, we know," he answered. "We want her cause she's so dang _cute_!"

The Death Eaters started giggling and cooing. "Hello, pretty baby!" some of them called.

"Well, you can't have her!" Harry shouted.

"We can have whatever we want!"

"That's what you think!"

The Death Eaters were laughing. "You think you can outsmart us?" Malfoy taunted. "What great rebuttal do you have prepared?"

Harry looked around at the people beside him. They shrugged their shoulders.

Harry gulped and was about to give up, when suddenly Ginny let out a small sigh. "Hermione," she whipered.

Hermione.

Hermione, Hermione, Hermione.

And suddenly Hermione burst into the circle, smiling from ear to ear!

"Oh, Hermione, we missed you!" Harry cheered.

Hermione grinned at him then turned towards the Death Eaters. "You can't have Mollilily!" she shouted. "Ron and I went and did some research on werewolf babies and stuff, and we came up with some great information and some highly interesting things!"

Harry watched the Death Eaters gasp. Lucius Malfoy scowled. "Bugger," he muttered, and the Death Eaters ran away.

Everyone cheered, and Hermione was enveloped in many hugs.

* * *

Later that day, Harry and Ginny were in their bedroom. They had put Mollilily in her crib and they were going to bed.

"It's so great that Hermione turned up just in time!" Ginny said, pulling on her nightgown.

"Yes," Harry agreed.

"I was starting to get very nervous," Ginny continued.

"So was I."

Ginny nodded. "I love you Harry," she said quietly, pulling him onto the bed beside her. "I loved you the first time I saw you. I love your beautiful eyes, the flawless planes of your face, the smoothness of your lips, the warmth of your hand, and the - "

"SHUT UP GINNY!"

"_Sorry_!"

* * *

* Witches and Wizard Who Were Introduced, Though They Weren't Important At All: 

Patty Mondues

Suzanne Perftechtisdhe

Tommy Hswjospgnkejria

Sally Fkoeunfkfhjseilefj

Greg Rjfkoeanufineola

Nunu Oppksefjfefsa

Lisa Weefcbe

Matt Moayde

Benny Kcawdfc

Wendy Kcawdfc

Ken Kcawdfc

Barbie Kcawdfc

Quence Measde

Rachel Topce

Some travelers who were in search of the freeway

_

* * *

_

A/N: Please review!


	2. Breaking Wind

_A/N: Ok, so please don't hate me! I know it took a really long time to update this and I'm truthfully very sorry for that. Would you believe me if I told you I've been pretty busy? Well, that's not really much of an excuse, but it's pretty true. I hope you'll put your hatred aside, at least to read the second installment to this story? Yes? No? Please?_

* * *

Mollilily Potter and Breaking Wind

Part Two: Breaking Wind

_How might J.K. Rowling have written the ending of the Twilight series?_

* * *

Bella Swan was in her bedroom, listening to music and trying to do her homework. She had her chemistry lab notebook resting in her lap and was stuck on one of the questions. _What is the best way for one to release the juices of a sopophorous bean? _

Bella threw down her pen in frustration. How should she know? What the heck was a sopophorous bean anyway!

There was a sudden noise at her window and Bella jumped. But it was only Edward, crawling into her room.

"What are you doing?" she hissed at him.

"Shhh!" He put his hand over her mouth. "They're coming."

"Huh? Who?" Bella asked when she could free her face from his grasp.

"Volturi."

Bella gasped, and was about to freak out like the immature baby she was, when suddenly her room was invaded by six more vampires, who all looked extremely tense.

"Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, what are you doing here?"

Edward looked at his family with minute interest. "They're here to help," he answered. "Listen Bella, the Volturi want you, and they'd stop at nearly nothing to capture you. Give Esme, Rosalie, and Alice some of your clothes. They're going to pretend they're you, and Carlise, Emmett, and Jasper are going to escape with them in different cars, to confuse the Volturi. So quick, get some clothes out."

Edward said all that very quickly, and Bella's very little brain took quite some time registering what he meant. But once she did, she drew back from him in shock.

"Are you kidding? That's too dangerous!" she shrieked.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Oh, stop being such a martyr," he murmured, and grabbed a bunch of tops from her closet. "Quick," he ordered his family.

Before Bella knew it, she was in Edwards's arms, being run across her front lawn, and shoved in a car. "What the heck, pushy jerk," she said as he strapped her in.

Edward was in the driver's seat before she could blink, and four cars turned to life at the same moment and sped down the street.

Bella looked out the window at the cars zooming past her, and then turned her attention to the car she was in. "New car?" she asked.

Edward glanced around in pride. "Yup," he answered.

Bella shook her head. "Where did you get the money for this?"

"Triwizard Tournament."

"Triwizard - what?"

"Nothing love."

Just then, three huge figures jumped on the car. Bella screamed as the cloaked vampires crawled over the hood and tried to break the windshield.

"No!" Edward shouted, and before Bella could say anything, he flung open the door and jumped out of the car, maneuvering himself to hit the vampires off.

"What the heck!" Bella shrieked, grabbing for the steering wheel. "Are you _trying_ to drive us off the road!"

But Edward didn't answer her. He was now in a fight with the cloaked vampires in the middle of the street. Bella thought about stopping to wait for him, but the fact that he had very nearly killed her made her speed off.

She wasn't sure where she was supposed to be going, so she drove down to the Cullen's luxurious home and parked the car. Se got out and learned to her great jubilation that the house door was unlocked.

She walked in and made her way to the kitchen. She looked through the cabinets until she found something that would sufficiently quench her need. She gulped down three large swigs from the brandy bottle before the front door swung open with a bang.

Edward was at her side in a millisecond. "What's wrong with you? Are you okay? Why did you drive away like that unprotected? I was terrified! How could you do that to me? Why did you come here? What are you doing? Why the _heck_ are you drinking?"

Bella looked up at him quietly. "Medicinal purposes?"

"Oh for goodness sakes…."

The rest of the Cullens arrived just them, well most of them –

"Where's Carlisle?" Bella asked, looking around.

The vampires lowered their heads in mourning. Bella felt a sick sort of feeling in her stomach, and figured she would drink some more brandy, for something to do. But Edward took it from her, much to her dismay.

* * *

The Cullen house was very quiet. Bella was feeling extremely guilty about what happened. If it wasn't for her, Carlisle wouldn't have been killed.

She was stuck in the house now, and Edward wouldn't let her out of his sight. He said that even though they had evaded the Volturi for now, the Cullens couldn't be sure that they wouldn't attack again, especially if Bella left the house.

She hated the fact that they were all trying to protect her, and probably at risk to themselves. She daily complained that they didn't have to watch her, and even said she was going to leave. Quite surprisingly, no one objected.

* * *

A few weeks later Rosalie and Emmett's customary wedding took place. It was in the Cullen's house, so that they could keep Bella safe. She didn't think that this was a very good idea even if they were going to be on high alert, but she had been too busy with wedding plans that she didn't have time to complain.

Alice had bought her a wig of some sorts and made-up her face really pale, so that she would blend in, just in case someone did attack the wedding. She then gave her a job to show guests to their seats, totally defeating the point.

The ceremony was overdone and mushier then even Rosalie was known for, with doves and silliness of the like. It was just before Bella was getting very bored of the stupid dancing when it happened.

There was a scream from someone near the door and Bella whipped around in horror. Twenty vampires were converging on them, speeding around the room, snapping and growling….

"Edward!" Bella yelled, jumping up and pushing her way through the room. "Edward!" She couldn't see him; there were too many people, too much noise –

And suddenly Edward was there. He grabbed hold of her hand tightly, begged her not to trip, and sped towards the back door.

She could hear that there were footsteps behind them, following them, but when she turned around she found that it was only Alice and Jasper.

Before she knew it she was being shoved into a car - everyone was in - and they were speeding down the street, far away….

"What about everyone else at the wedding?" Bella complained. Again. "What if something terrible happens to them?"

"Forget about that now," Edward said.

Bella pouted. "Take me back, I want to help!"

"They'd kill you!" Edward shouted.

"Actually bro," Jasper commented from the front seat. "Maybe that's not such a bad idea."

Edward growled.

"Whatever," Jasper said. "Just don't come to me when she gets all annoying."

* * *

They drove into town, speeding through red lights, running over some cats and coming to a stop.

"Where are we?" Bella asked, getting out.

"Some road," Alice murmured.

"Why?"

"Oh, they'd never be able to find us out in the open like this!"

They walked.

They hadn't gone two blocks before a group of rowdy, drunken men suddenly called to them from across the street.

"Hey," one of them yelled, laughing stupidly. "How about a drink, sweety?"

Bella glanced at Edward, then back at the men. "Eh, why not?" And she started across the street.

"Bella!" Edward grabbed her arm, saving her from getting squashed by a bus.

Jasper groaned.

"What?" Bella complained. "You took away my drink last time!"

"That's because you're too young to drink!"

"Well you're a stupid git!"

"A what?"

Bella rolled her eyes at his incompetence. "A stupid, lousy git who - "

"Alright, alright, shut up already!" This was from Alice. "We should really get going!"

And without further ado she marched off.

"But where are we going?" Bella called after her.

"Camping!"

* * *

And so they did!

Edward set up the tent (which wasn't necessarily the best protection, since they were on the run from mad and vicious vampires, but Edward insisted on finding some place deserted, so they were hiding in a forest) Alice sat reading books, Jasper roasted marshmallows, and Bella complained.

This time she was bored.

"I'm bored," Bella complained.

Edward looked up at her. "Well, do you want to go look for fire wood?"

"No."

"Do you want to sing some camping songs?"

"No,"

"Do you want to play Hungry Hungry Hipppos?"

"No."

Edward looked toward Jasper for help, but he just shook his head. "I told you not to come to me when she gets all annoying."

* * *

Two weeks later found Bella, Edward, Alice and Jasper still camping in a tent.

"Edward," Bella called for the 100, 239, 312, 389th time since they had set up camp. "I'm hungry."

Jasper popped his head up from behind a book. "Me too," he said, looking at Bella with a little too much intent.

Edward growled and Jasper receded.

"I know you are," he said to Bella. "Alice cooked some fish for you."

But Bella frowned and huffed and pouted.

"This is stupid," she mumbled.

Alice appeared just then and sat down. "It is," she agreed.

Bella made a face. "So why'd you suggest it?"

"Actually, it's the perfect place for us to prepare!"

"Prepare?" Bella asked.

"Yeah," Alice said. "To do research on how to destroy the vampires!"

Bella glared at her. "You mean you've been searching on how to kill those vampires? And you didn't tell me?"

Jasper chuckled. "There are many things people don't tell you."

* * *

It turned out that there was actually a really annoying and long way that they could kill the murderous vampires that were after Bella. (Jasper suggested that they should all just give up, but Edward nearly tore his head off.)

What they had to do was find the seven Hos that the vampires had created, and destroy them.

Apparently two of them had already been taken care of, so really they just had to find five more. Not such a big deal.

For some reason they were still camping.

* * *

"Ok!" Alice said happily one day. "I've found the next Ho!"

"Really?" Bella asked happily.

"Yes," Alice said.

She pointed towards Bella's bracelet. "That's it!"

Bella looked at the bracelet Jacob had given her. "How?"

"It's really an old family heirloom of Aro's"

"Oh, ok," Bella said.

Alice set the bracelet on fire.

* * *

The next day they went off to the bank to look for the next Ho.

"What exactly is it that you're looking for?" Bella asked Edward as he snuck them passed the security guards, and into the high security deposit boxes.

"An old cup!" he told her.

"What does it look like?"

Edward opened the deposit box and took out the cup. "This!"

Bella stared at it for a few moments. "Um, ok."

And Alice burned the _Seinfeld_ Collector's Edition coffee mug.

* * *

"So," Bella said later that day after they jumped off a dragon. "Where do you think that next Ho is?"

Edward looked at her, thinking. "Hmm, I'm pretty sure I know where it is!"

* * *

Edward, Alice, Jasper, and Bella made their way towards Bella's old school.

"Tell me again why you think there's a Ho in here?"

Alice led them into the building. "Demetri used to come here all the time. Apparently he grew very fond of the place. Considered it his home."

"Why?"

"Something to do with Mr. Banner."

They marched through the hallways, searching for places that could hide a Ho.

"What about the broom closet?" Bella suggested.

"Good idea," Edward said and he opened up the closet. "Bloody!" he gasped, reaching inside.

Jasper perked up. "Bloody?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "Figure of speech. Look!"

He pulled out an old hat. "It's a Phillie's baseball cap!"

"Two birds," Alice said, and she held it to a lit match.

* * *

They were just on their way out of the school when a voice called out to them.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

They turned around. It was Jacob.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Alice asked.

Jacob scowled. "I asked you first!"

Edward glared. "We asked you second!"

Jacob's eyes narrowed. "I want to know more!"

Jasper's eyes flashed. "_I_ want to know more!"

Jacob's lips curled. "I want - "

But before Jacob could say what he wanted a voice was heard, vibrating off the walls.

"_Give over Bella Swan and you won't be harmed_."

"No problem!" Jasper yelled, grabbing Bella's arm.

Edward took off his.

* * *

They all ran out onto the front lawn to face the Volturi, who were glaring at them.

"Um, Alice," Bella asked, staring at the vampires. "What do you plan on doing now?"

Alice looked her. "Well someone needs to kill their dog Ho."

Bella looked over at the vampires. She was just about to ask her how they were going to do that when there was a sudden shout of anger.

They all turned in time to see Jacob standing on the other side of the lawn. He was poking a horribly ugly dog with a plastic knife. Aro was staring at him in pure fury.

"Cupcake!" he screamed.

* * *

"So," Jacob said, as he ran away from the Volturi as fast as he could and returned to Bella's side. "That's the last one isn't it?"

"Actually," Alice said.

"What?" Edward asked.

"Remember when James bit Bella?"

"Yes."

"And he gave her that scar?"

"Uh huh."

"Well, Edward, I kinda think…."

Edward growled.

"What is it?" Bella asked.

Alice turned to her. "Bella you're the last Ho!"

Jasper punched the air with his fist.

"What?" Bella screamed. "James isn't even part of the Volturi!"

"Minor detail," Jasper said.

Edward glared at him. "Not Bella you bitch!" And he punched him in the nose, tackling him to the ground.

While they fought Jacob nudged Bella towards the Volturi.

* * *

When Edward found out what happened he willingly gave himself over to the Volturi.

Alice tried to stop him but got her head bitten off.

Jasper attempted to run away, but they caught him anyway.

Meanwhile, Jacob skipped off into the forest, summoning his werewolf cronies.

They got rid of the Volturi in ten seconds flat. They paid a visit to the Cullen home shortly after.

**

* * *

**

19 Years Later

Jacob Black was standing beside his wife Lizzie, who he had married on his own free will. They were standing at the bus stop waving their children off to school.

"Bye Mommy! Bye Daddy!" their little son Hugo called, smiling brightly.

"Bye!" Rose yelled out the window.

Jacob smiled at his daughter's enthusiasm. It was her first day of kindergarten and she was alight with joy. "Bye, have fun," he said happily, waving at them as the bus pulled away from the curb.

Lizzie wrapped her arms around her husband. "They'll be fine," she murmured.

Jacob grinned back at her. "I know."

No stupid mythical creatures had bothered him in nineteen years. All was well.

* * *

A/N: It would be very kind of you to leave a review!

Also, I really want to thank everyone who reviewed the first chapter, you're all great! Im response to the review from SMI, in the beginning of Breakin Dawn, Meyer actually does change the breakfast that Bella is eating before her wedding! You should look it up! Personally, it was harder for me to write a parody that made fun of Harry Potter, I actually liked the book alot, and Rowling did it very well. I couldn't resist dissing the Twilight characters though! (Sorry Twilight fans, don't be mad at me).

Any way, as I said before, please review if you can! Thanks so much!


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